WyldeFaerie's Zone

For Those Who Thought They Knew Everything!

2009-02-17T06:13:00.001-08:00

********************************* ********************************************

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for

Blood plasma.

********************************* ******************************************

No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times

Oh go ahead...I'll wait...

****************************************************************************

Donkeys kill more people annually than

plane crashes or shark attacks. (Watch your Ass )

************************************************************************

You burn more calories sleeping

than you do watching television.

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Oak trees do not produce acorns

until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.

************************************** **************************************

The first product to have a bar code

was Wrigley's gum.

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The King of Hearts is the only king

WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE

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American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987

by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class

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Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

(Since Venus is normally associated with women,what does this tell you!)

(? That women are going the 'right' direction...?)

*********************************************************************

Apples, not caffeine,

are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

************************************ ***********************************

Most dust particles in your house are made from

DEAD SKIN!

************************************************************************ ****

The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.

So did the first ' Marlboro Man. '

***************************************************************************

Walt Disney was afraid

OF MICE!

**************************************************************************

PEARLS MELT

IN VINEGAR!

*********************************************************************

The three most valuable brand names on earth:

Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

**********************************************************************

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs... but, not downstairs.

***** *******************************************************************

A duck's quack doesn't echo,

and no one knows why.

************************************************************************

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush

be kept at least six (6) feet away from

a toilet to avoid airborne particles

resulting from the flush.

(I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)

***************************************************

And the best for last....

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

(I know some people like that, don't YOU?)

knowledge is everything, so pass it on...

Blogged with the Flock Browser

2008-12-30T09:35:00.001-08:00

http://ping.fm/AbZxE

You don't have to be a survivor, to help. We need help from all walks of life. This group is for graphics, but, if you want to help, you may join us here: http://www.uaadv.org .

Victims, Survivors, and Advocates. Joining together to make Tomorrow a safe place for our children.

2008-12-29T07:36:00.001-08:00

GRAPHIC!!

http://ping.fm/qqDlD

A scene too terrifyingly familiar to Victims and Survivors of Domestic Violence....

2008-12-27T11:58:00.001-08:00

Gun Powder and Lead

A look at a real Victim.

http://ping.fm/LuAWb

2008-12-27T08:38:00.001-08:00

Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3....

Does anyone else use Ping??

2008-12-27T08:22:00.001-08:00

Ping.fm / Ping this! - Help (http://ping.fm/K21rc)

Dear old Aunt Carol!

2008-05-11T18:54:00.001-07:00

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Have your parents tell you a story with a moral at the end.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Johnny, do you have a story to share?
''Yes, ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Carol.
She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy Territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a Survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy Troops.
She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
''Good Heavens' said the horrified teacher.
'What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?
''Stay the fuck away from

Aunt Carol when she's drinking.'

del.icio.us Tags: funny,little Johnny

“The Oak Tree”

2008-05-08T05:59:00.000-07:00

A mighty wind blew night and day.

It stole the oak tree’s leaves away,

Then snapped it’s boughs and pulled it’s bark;

Until the oak was tired and stark.

But still the oak tree held its ground,

While other trees fell all around….

The weary wind gave up and spoke,

“How can you still be standing, Oak?”

The oak tree said,

“I know that you

can break each branch of mine in two,

carry each leaf away, shake

my limbs, and make me sway.

But I have roots stretched in the earth,

Growing stronger since my birth.

You’ll never touch them, for you see,

They are the deepest part of me.

Until today, I wasn’t sure

of just how much I could endure.

But now I’ve found, with thanks to you,

“I am stronger than

…I ever knew”

~~Author Unknown~~

del.icio.us Tags: poetry,sharing,WyldeFaerie,blogging

Dr. Yippity

2008-05-07T17:01:00.001-07:00

They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail!

2008-05-07T15:43:00.001-07:00

They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail!

I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I Gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor.
She became indignant and informed me she was Educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the Money back ....same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.
---------------------------------------------

I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.' 'They're already buy-one-get-one-free,' she said, 'so I guess they're both free'. She handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.
---------------------------------------------My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases.. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

They Walk Among Us And Are Our Friends!
One day I was walking down the beach with some Friends when one of them shouted, 'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked Up at the sky and said, 'Where?'

They Walk Among Us And We Have To DEAL With Them!
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real Estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the North?' When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff.'
---------------------------------------------I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?'

They Walk Among Us And Shock Us Into Idiocy!!
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open I told him, 'The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.' He responded, 'Is that Eastern or Pacific time?' Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, 'Uh, Pacific.'

They Walk Among Us And Are Related To US!
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

They Walk Among Us!
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man Ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.'

Yep, They Walk Among Us!
They Walk Among Us,
and they Reproduce,
and Worst of all
.....they Vote!!

del.icio.us Tags: women,funny,sharing,WyldeFaerie

APPLES AND WINE

2008-05-07T15:43:00.000-07:00

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.

The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the

way to the top of the tree.

Now men.... men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Share this with all the good apples you know....

del.icio.us Tags: funny,sharing,WyldeFaerie

Chuckle for the day....

2008-04-28T17:12:00.000-07:00

A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.

The bee said, "What seems to be the problem?"
"I'm out of gas," the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
"Try it now," said one bee.
The man turned t he ignition key and the car started right up. "Wow!" the man exclaimed, "what did you put in my gas tank"?
The bee answered,

I know you're smiling...

del.icio.us Tags: funny,jokes

HiDef - BGT - Kate & Gin Canine freestyle

2008-04-26T10:25:00.000-07:00

del.icio.us Tags: dogs,funny,music

Dr. Phil Doesn't Have a License or a Clue

2008-04-23T08:52:00.000-07:00

The Doctor Is Out (of Touch)

Symptom: Two high-profile fiascoes and a career of dubious decisions
Diagnosis: Dr. Phil doesn't have a license or a clue

By Barbara Card Atkinson
Special to MSN Entertainment

Maybe it's awful to kick a walrus-mustachioed man when he's down, but I am all for the recent public backlash against Dr. Phil. His producers bailed out one of the teens jailed for (allegedly) violently attacking a Florida teenager, in exchange for an exclusive interview with her, only to backpedal in the face of public disapproval. This boundary crossing is just the latest in a string of Dr. Phil's missteps; it's high time we all admitted that the good doctor is out -- out of touch, out of step and sometimes almost out of his homily-riddled mind.

Dr. Who?
Phillip Calvin McGraw, best known as Dr. Phil, hit the airwaves as Oprah's golden boy in 1998. She seemed to enjoy his straight talk and the way her audiences responded to his no-nonsense approach. It was refreshing, at first, to listen to a shrink who gave advice free of psychobabble buzzwords; he was even a little folksy, some homespun, gingham-aproned Freud. This is the guy who said, "Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right." Adorable, right? Of course, he wasn't really a shrink, and he hasn't seemed to take his own advice. McGraw has a history of not making the right decisions, nor has he done much to right them.

This is the guy who said, "Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right." Adorable, right? Of course, he wasn't really a shrink, and he hasn't seemed to take his own advice.

McGraw, who said, "We teach people how to treat us," exhibited poor judgment again when he decided to feature convicted murderer Laurie "Bambi" Bembenek. Bembenek was scheduled to appear on the "Dr. Phil" show in 2002 to clear her name. It didn't go well. She later filed a lawsuit against Dr. Phil and more than 50 of his staffers for, she said, being held against her will in an apartment with no way to contact the outside world, while awaiting potentially show-stopping, name-clearing DNA results. Bembenek claims the forced confinement led to a panic attack, which drove her to escape by climbing out a window. She fell and shattered her leg, which later had to be amputated below the knee. Despite whether Bembenek was detained against her will, one wonders at the "stinkin' thinking" involved in allowing an emotionally fragile, convicted murderer to become so agitated that she felt her only recourse was to shimmy down the outside of a building on a bed sheet ladder.

In January 2008, McGraw's behavior motivated a psychologist (an actual one, with a license and everything) to lodge a complaint with the California Board of Psychology, alleging that Dr. Phil was practicing illegally when he visited Britney Spears at Cedars-Sinai. McGraw was, reportedly, counseling Spears as well as inviting her to join her family on his stage for an upcoming televised intervention. After his unannounced hour-long visit, he made several long-winded statements on his show about Britney's mental state, which really chapped the family spokesperson. Whether he was honestly trying to help or just looking to snag an exclusive, one is tempted to repeat his own words back at him yet again: "The quickest way from A to B is not always at the most feverish pace."

Physician, Heal Thyself
McGraw has been remarkably savvy at reinventing himself every time his plans ended at a career dead end and/or lawsuit. He's made a number of business mistakes and personal gaffes, but, hey, so have most folks at his level of success. Of course, not many "lifestyle and relationship experts" have proven to be so generally, well, inexpert. When was the last time you saw Dr. Ruth or Dr. Joyce Brothers so consistently in the tabloids? Even dingbat Dr. Laura hasn't left such a trail of lawsuits and professional enemies in her wake.

Maybe the problem isn't McGraw and his stern-talkin' daddy-tude; maybe the problem is that people are listening to him as if he's got a clue, or at least more of a clue than the rest of us. All facts point to the contrary. Just glance at McGraw's personal life (read his unauthorized biography, "The Making of Dr. Phil," for details about his never-mentioned first marriage and early company dealings); look at his business track record. Or take it from me. Just like Dr. Phil, I'm an unlicensed unpsychologist, and my advice to you, in classic Dr. Phil speak is this: "That dog really, really don't hunt."

More on: The Doctor is Out (of touch).

del.icio.us Tags: news,Dr. Phil,FR

A Thinking Woman

2008-04-20T18:11:00.000-07:00

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing
and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take
the boat out.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her
book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the
woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, Isn't that obvious?)

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs
her.

"I'm sorry , officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you
up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,"
says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game
warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I
know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can
also think.

del.icio.us Tags: funny,jokes

My Rememberer is Broken

2008-04-20T16:16:00.000-07:00

My forgetter's getting better, But my rememberer is broke. To you that may seem funny, But, to me, that is no joke

For when I'm 'here' I'm wondering If I really should be 'there' And, when I try to think it through, I haven't got a prayer!

Oft times I walk into a room, Say 'what am I here for?' I wrack my brain, but all in vain! A zero, is my score.

At times I put something away Where it is safe, but, Gee! The person it is safest from Is, generally, me!

When shopping I may see someone, Say 'Hi' and have a chat, Then, when the person walks away I ask myself, 'who the heck was that?'

Yes, my forgetter's getting better While my rememberer is broke, And it's driving me plumb crazy And that isn't any joke.

~~AUTHOR UNKNOWN~~

del.icio.us Tags: poetry,remember,forget,author unknown

Angels Explained by Children

2008-04-17T17:34:00.000-07:00

   I only know the names of two angels. Hark and Harold.
   (--Gregory, age 5 )
   Everybody's got it all wrong. Angels don't wear halos anymore.
   I forget why, but scientists are working on it.
   (--Olive, age 9 )
   It's not easy to become an angel! First, you die. Then you go
   to heaven, and then there's still the flight training to go through.
   And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes.
   (--Matthew, age 9 )
   Angels work for God and watch over kids when God has to
   go do something else.
   (--Mitchell, age 7 )
   My guardian angel helps me with math, but he's not much
   good for science.
   (--Henry, age 8 )
   Angels don't eat, but they drink milk from Holy Cows.
   (--Jack, age 6 )
   Angels talk all the way while they're flying you up to heaven.
   The main subject is where you went wrong before you got dead.
   (--Daniel, age 9 )
   When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts
   to ten. And when he lets out his breath, somewhere there's a
   tornado.
   (--Reagan, age 10 )
   Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy. If you lose
   a tooth, an angel comes in through your window and leaves
   money under your pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go
   north for the winter.
   (--Sara, age 6 )
   Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his son, who's
   a very good carpenter.
   (--Jared, age 8 )
   All angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses and boys
   didn't go for it.
   (--Antonio, age 9 )
   My angel is my grandma who died last year. She got a big head
   start on helping me while she was still down here on earth.
   (--Katelynn, age 9 )
   Some of the angels are in charge of helping heal sick animals
   and pets. And if they don't make the animals get better, they
   help the child get over it
   (--Vicki, age 8 )
   What I don't get about angels is why, when someone is in
   love , they shoot arrows at them.
   (--Sarah, age 7)

del.icio.us Tags: kids,angels,cute

Grants By Categories

2008-04-13T11:56:00.000-07:00

General Grants

The Foundation Center

Fundsnet Services

PacBell Grants

Small Business Innovation Research Program

Women's Financial Funds

Women's Business Grants

Count Me In!

Michigan State University - Grants for Women

Women's Grants

Women's Net

Women Business Owners

Help With Bills

Low-Income Home Energy Assistance Program

Administration for Children and Families

Additional ACF Funding Information - by Program Office

Administration on Children, Youth and Families (ACYF)

Administration on Developmental Disabilities (ADD)

Administration for Native Americans (ANA)

Children’s Bureau (CB)

Child Care Bureau (CCB)

Child Support Enforcement (CSE)

Family and Youth Services Bureau (FYSB)

Office of Community Services (OCS)

Office of Family Assistance (OFA)

Office of Financial Services (OFS)

Office of Head Start (OHS)

Office of Planning, Research and Evaluation (OPRE)

Office of Refugee Resettlement (ORR)

Keep an eye out for my next Grant Post!!

del.icio.us Tags: women,grants,aide

Grants For General Use

2008-04-13T10:08:00.001-07:00

Government Grants

Grants.gov

User Guide For Grants.gov

IRS.gov

Following are links to state web sites:

Following are links to state territories and outlying area web sites:

District Of Columbia

American Samoa

Federated States of Micronesia

Guam

Puerto Rico

Be sure to watch for my next Grants Post!

del.icio.us Tags: grants,women,aide,victims advocates

My Blog Log

2008-04-07T13:35:00.001-07:00

Best D.U.I. EVER!

2008-03-26T14:36:00.001-07:00

Click to Play

A TRUE Fairy Tale... LOL!

2008-03-24T09:10:00.001-07:00

This is the fairy tale that should have been read to us when we were little:

Once upon a time
~~~~~~~~
in a land far away,
~~~~~~~~
a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess
~~~~~~~~
happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.
~~~~~~~~
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
and said: ' Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
~~~~~~~~
One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am
~~~~~~~~
and then, my sweet, we can marry
~~~~~~~~
and set up housekeeping in your castle
~~~~~~~~
with my mother,
~~~~~~~~
where you can prepare my meals,
~~~~~~~~
clean my clothes, bear my children,
~~~~~~~~
and forever
feel
grateful and happy doing so.
~~~~~~~~
That night,
~~~~~~~~
as the princess dined sumptuously
~~~~~~~~
on lightly sautéed frog legs
~~~~~~~~
seasoned in a white wine
~~~~~~~
and onion cream sauce,
~~~~~~~~
she chuckled and thought to herself:
~~~~~~~~
I don't fuckin think so!!!

Author Unknown

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Hapless Deer Becomes Living Blogject | Beyond the Beyond from Wired.com

2008-03-23T15:58:00.001-07:00

By Bruce Sterling March 19, 2008 | 9:10:59 AM

Link: Google Earth Blog: Deer Blogs His Own GPS Position in Google Earth.

In
what may be a short-lived cool geo hack of the day, a deer named "Thor"
now has his own blog where he shares his GPS position every five
minutes.

Someone named 'Siberian' at the Google Earth Community posted
how he managed to make this happen. Turns out he had collared a deer
they named "Thor" with a GPS and cellphone with SMS capability. They
are studying deers living in suburban areas in Pennsylvania.

Siberian then hacked up a way to use the resulting E-mail to
create a spreadsheet which is then converted into a file you can use to
track the deer in Google Earth . The system is totally automated using
free services.

His post goes into detail on how this was all accomplished.
Siberian is using some tools by Valery Hronusov - who has developed and
posted dozens of cool geo hacks for Google Earth (see his global
rainfall example). Valery came up with the idea to let the deer blog
his coordinates as well. Thanks to Valery for the tip on this cool deer
hack! Note: you can also view the deer's map in Google Maps.

Any bets on how long it will be before someone hunts down the poor deer?

(((It's a tossup between that prospect and cellphone battery failure.)))

Hapless Deer Becomes Living Blogject | Beyond the Beyond from Wired.com

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Dance

2008-03-17T11:30:00.001-07:00

Just a beautiful graphic that I wanted to share!

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Ameriquest ~ RomanticDinner.

2008-03-08T15:09:00.001-08:00

Click to Play